You have
destruction potency in you, a potential to be vile, and vicious, pure evil. You
know they care of you, you are aware of it as perfectly as you are of you
pathetic existence. Seeing that they care so utterly and so completely you hurt
them, you hurt them just because “you can” merely, solely because you have the
authority to. Now to feel dominant, now to feel important and now just to know
that you have an impact on them; it like bleeding just to know you’re alive.
You tread over their –however ridiculous- sentiments and practically feel you
false vanity surfacing. This vanity, this hollow vanity of your very
superficial personality, however insignificant it may be, serves the malicious
purpose it set out to, it crushes the very heart of that naïve, ridiculous
creature who intended and rightfully acted in every manner to serve you, to
give selfless care to your unbelievably unfair being. Moreover the recognition
of this extravagantly hurtful fact horrifies them to their pitiful soul causing
every nerve to get alert still not of aggression but of the humiliation of such
a confession. Furthermore it troubles you not one bit rather becomes a source
of a guilty pleasure, immediately causing your defense mechanism to come into
motion and bring forth a ready-made justification based on “reason” disregarding “feeling.”
Nevertheless
on this emotional deathbed they seek not a justification of your conduct but
simply an honest apology. And once you actually see this from behind your
façade blinds it may seem a very easy way out for yourself and ironically may
not satisfy you.
